


Answer Me

by inksmears



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-27
Updated: 2011-04-27
Packaged: 2017-10-18 17:55:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/191613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inksmears/pseuds/inksmears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn't understand how she keeps smiling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Answer Me

**Author's Note:**

> Dave angst inspired from all the latest updates. I want to give him the biggest hug.

He didn't understand how she kept smiling. He couldn't fathom why she didn't frown more. In the few years he'd known Jade she hadn't ever been sad. It baffled him. She wore her heart on her sleeve yet Dave thought she was better at concealing emotions than he was. A part of him was angry at her for it. Another part of him desperately wanted to reach out and learn her secret. Still another piece of him just wanted to talk about it, to understand it and to make a connection with someone who might understand. He wanted to understand why he felt the way he did and how to make it go away. He wanted answers.

 _How did you do it, Jade?_

 **\-- turntechGodHead** **[TG]** **began pestering gardenGnostic** **[GG]** **\--**

 **  
TG: how do you do something like that**   
**GG: huh? :O**   
**TG: like  
TG: it seems impossible to just be  
TG: fuck  
TG: its just because youre always smiling**   
**GG: um  
GG: dave???  
GG: what are you talking about?  
GG: are you okay???? :(**   
**TG: shit  
TG: look nevermind  
TG: this conversation never happened**   
**GG: ????**

 **\-- turntechGodHead** **[TG]** **ceased pestering gardenGnostic** **[GG]** **\--**

She started pestering him again almost immediately with concern but Dave was too embarrassed, ashamed and frustrated. He removed his iShades and dropped them at his feet where he sat. His back was facing the bloody body behind him. There was blood on his clothes and hands because he had this moment of idiocy and had tried to shake Bro's lifeless body awake. When he was much younger it had always worked in the past.

 _"Bro, wake up. I'm hungry."  
"All right, I'm up."_

It hadn't worked this time.

Of course it wouldn't work this time and Dave gripped a fistful of his hair in agitation. The blond strands gleamed red with blood and he hid his face in the crook of his arm. Legs drawn to his chest and elbow resting on his up bent knee, Dave had curled himself into a pathetic ball and tried not to feel.

 _Jade. How do you smile when you're all alone?_

Before the game existed he found out Jade lived by herself on that great big island. It had been on accident and it had only been in passing, a brief moment in their otherwise lengthy conversations. Yet it was something Dave never forgot because being completely alone terrified him.

 **TG: i dont even think i want to know what your folks would think  
TG: they must want to sell you into a child genius program and make some dough  
TG: check it our daughter is 12 and can do fucking nuclear physics  
TG: wheres our money**   
**GG: hehehe well maybe they would do that if i had any!!**   
**TG: oh**   
**GG: i had my grandpa for awhile but now he just sort of stays in one place  
GG: but it is okay!!  
GG: it was a long time ago**   
**TG: ok  
TG: so its just harley and the devil beast chillin all alone on middle of fuck-who-knows-where-ville island  
TG: thats cool i guess**   
**GG: :D**

He started thinking afterward what it would be like to live on a huge island by himself. He hadn't been able to take that thought very far. Bro was Bro but at least he was _there_. At least Dave wasn't literally alone. Now he was and it weighed on him so heavily he felt he might crumple into a heap, never to rise again. "It was a long time ago", she said. Was that the secret? Was that the answer he needed? "Time heals all wounds"? It was the biggest slap-in-the-face irony Dave had ever encountered and he hated it. It was the first time he discovered irony could be cruel. Irony was funny, right? It wasn't suppose to be cruel. It was only suppose to be funny.

If time healed all wounds why wasn't he fine with this? Bro was dead. There, look. He admitted it. He could look over his shoulder and confirm it if he really wanted to. He didn't want to. He was the Knight of Time. He was the motherfucking master of time. So what was the hold up? Time was always on his side, so what was taking it so long to make him feel better. Pick up the pace, he had shit to do. Let's go. Come on. Come _on_.

He grabbed his shades from the ground.

 **\-- gardenGnostic** **[GG]** **began pestering tunrtechGodhead** **[TG]** **\--**

 **GG: dave wait!!  
GG: dave???  
GG: are you still there???  
GG: come back and tell me whats wrong :(  
GG: youre acting weird  
GG: i am kind of worried  
GG: daaaaaaave  
GG: i am going to keep pestering you until you talk to me!!!  
GG: i know you are still there  
GG: so come on!!  
GG: talk!!!!**   
**TG: do you know that saying time heals all wounds**   
**GG: dave!!!!**   
**TG: i dont like that saying  
TG: its stupid and isnt actually true  
TG: who even comes up with that  
TG: do they get paid to come up with deep meaningful bullshit that people quote at each other  
TG: i want to punch that guy in the face**   
**GG: okay dave i am serious  
GG: what is happening  
GG: wait...  
GG: oh no is this about your bro? :(**   
**TG: no  
TG: im just making cheeky conversation about deep philosophical bullshit for the hell of it  
TG: put on your thinking cap harley its time for philo 101**   
**GG: :/  
GG: listen dave i know this cant be easy for you  
GG: you are trying to be mr. coolkid and pretend it isnt hard  
GG: but this is one of those things that is pretty hard  
GG: and it will make you want to cry  
GG: and you should know that is okay  
GG: crying doesnt make you less cool or anything**   
**TG: yeah im weeping over here  
TG: shit is like niagara falls  
TG: crying like a little girl right now  
TG: boo fucking hoo**   
**GG: im serious dave!!!**   
**TG: so am i**   
**GG: ugh**

He doesn't know what he's trying to say. He's talking in circles and grasping desperately for something, anything. Let there be a way out of this. There has to be a way out. _Come on, Jade. Where is that fucking miracle remedy here?_ Is it crying? Is that what she means? Fuck that. _Come on. Give me the answer._

 **TG: its just  
TG: youre always smiling**   
**GG: you keep saying that but i have no idea what it means!!!**   
**TG: its like it doesnt bother you  
TG: you just derp along like the weirdly enduring derp that you are  
TG: look at me i dont give a shit, everything is fucking sunshine and rainbows, etc.  
TG: what gives**   
**GG: dave WHAT are you talking about?????  
GG: WHAT doesnt bother me????**

 _Being alone._

 **TG: nothing  
TG: i think im broken  
TG: like i hit my head and the brain-mouth filter needs to be replaced**

 _I don't have the answers and it scares me. Tell me the answer._

 **TG: but its cool**

 _It isn't._

 **TG: ill just settle on down here and take a nap  
TG: lulled to sleep by the gentle soothing smell of oil and the sound of salamanders making whatever noise a salamander makes  
TG: i think its 'bubbles'  
TG: so peace i guess**   
**GG: dave wait**   
**TG: what**   
**GG: im here okay?  
GG: when you are ready to ask me what youre trying to ask me  
GG: i will be here :)**

 **\-- gardenGnostic** **[GG]** **ceased pestering tunrtechGodhead** **[TG]** **\--**

Dave removed the shades and laughed, a bitter and choked sound. He stared at the back of the glowing glasses and at his bloody fingers griping them so tightly they might break at any moment.

 _If you knew then why didn't you tell me the answer, Jade?_

Dave drew his legs up again and folded his arms over his knees. He hid his face in them and the sunglasses hung loosely in his grasp.

 _Someone just tell me the fucking answer to the question I don't even know I'm trying to ask._

Left in the dark, gloomy glow of the Land of Wind and Shade, Dave couldn't even smell the oil. He could only smell blood.

 _"Hey, Bro?"  
"Sup."  
"You always know the answer to everything."  
"Damn straight."  
"Will I?"  
"Nah. You're just a dumb kid, Dave. But if you ever don't know the answer just ask me. I'll tell you. It'll be sweet."  
"Oh. Well, okay."_

Dave snapped his sunglasses in two and wept.


End file.
